one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
