sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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