I puked a lego.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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