The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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