do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
