I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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