I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
