gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
