saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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