he shaved USA in his pubs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
