I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
