You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
