I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
