WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
