How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
