I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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