I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
