My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
