Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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