stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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