I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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