bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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