the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
