I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
