I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
