Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
