Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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