Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
