it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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