I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
