Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Actions speak louder than pants.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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