I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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