I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
