No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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