Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
