In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
