we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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