I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
