Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
