needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
