When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
