Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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