He is an equal opportunity slut.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize