took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
