I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
