just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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