Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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