Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
