grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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