i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
