12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
