C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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