SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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