Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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