Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
