your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you had me at cake vodka
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
