Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
