Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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