You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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