My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
