Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i dont even know how to be here
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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