i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
