Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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