I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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