sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
