well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
