Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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