I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
