just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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