Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
